A good friend of mine along with three other Taylor University students and Taylor employee was killed in a horrific car accident this past week. For the past semester I have been nannying for a family with five kids in Colorado Springs. When I found out about Laurel I had two days to pack up all my belongings, say good-bye to the family I nannyed for, say good-bye to friends, renew my drivers liscense, and find a ticket to Indianapolis. The Lord took care of every single detail, He's faithful.
During these two days I had friends call me crying, I could hear wailing in the background; it was agony. All I wanted was to be there. Saturday I flew in, Taylor Campus was silent; some of it's life was taken away by a sleeping truck driver. What is there to say to comfort others? "I'm so sorry," "how are you?" I was stuck, the girls on my wing had shared Laurel's last days, I could only wish I had been there too. As we drove to Chicago for the funeral we reminisced with one another of fond memories of Laurel and the funny things she had done.
I remember catering with her, we were motivated by the good leftovers we'd eat after we were finished catering. Catering food was so much better than the DC food. One time there was this new desert none of us had ever had. It was this chocolate pyramid that looked absolutely deliscious. We counted as we finished placing them on the tables, there were three leftover, now to only keep them hidden so nobody could eat them before us was a huge priority of ours. At one point our boss instructed someone to find a spot put them, somewhere where we were probably never going to see those scrumptious things again. After overhearing these instructions I raced to Laurel and told her the horrible news, we both ran to the kitchen and hid them as best as we could. Hours later we enjoyed those chocolate pyramids with a nice hot cup of coffee.
Laurel always surprised me, I remember multiple times thinking, "Wow I didn't know she was like that." My pre-conceived thoughts of her were almost always wrong. She, being an art major, was creative and enjoyed a good project. For our Christmas open house we did a Nintendo/Mario theme. She was in charge of pretty much all the decorations, she worked so hard at getting that place picture perfect, and that's what she did with everything, putting her whole heart and soul into it.
Pretty much when a person you care about dies you gain a whole new perspective on things. Sometimes you realize "Man, I'm lazy, time to get off my butt and do something significant." or "Why didn't I talk to her more?" The list does go on. Laurel's death made me realize that I wanted everyone I came in contact with to know they were significant, not only to me but to the Lord. Whether they have hurt me, made me feel insignificant, or I have hurt them, I want them to know I long for the exact opposite. Life is not worth holding grudges, the gossip spoken will eventually be regretted.
I have come to understand that in life we love those that love us in return, but I have also come to realize that's not what Jesus modeled. It maters greatly to me what others think of me. But one thing I have decided is that it's not worth my time, nor is it worth withdrawing my love. I do wish that I didn't have to struggle with differences, I wish I could rejoice in them and appreciate them rather than push someone away.
Something I have committed to doing is writing down what I appreciate about every single person in my life, that way I can truly meditate on those things and not what makes me angry about them or towards them. There are more negative things in this world than there are positive, and it's time for me to see the positive, the beauty in everyone and everything. Whether their choices in life have been good or bad, God has not given up on them, I hope I won't either, I wouldn't want them, and most of all God, to give up on me.
"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's righ-you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me." - Psalms 119:1-8
During these two days I had friends call me crying, I could hear wailing in the background; it was agony. All I wanted was to be there. Saturday I flew in, Taylor Campus was silent; some of it's life was taken away by a sleeping truck driver. What is there to say to comfort others? "I'm so sorry," "how are you?" I was stuck, the girls on my wing had shared Laurel's last days, I could only wish I had been there too. As we drove to Chicago for the funeral we reminisced with one another of fond memories of Laurel and the funny things she had done.
I remember catering with her, we were motivated by the good leftovers we'd eat after we were finished catering. Catering food was so much better than the DC food. One time there was this new desert none of us had ever had. It was this chocolate pyramid that looked absolutely deliscious. We counted as we finished placing them on the tables, there were three leftover, now to only keep them hidden so nobody could eat them before us was a huge priority of ours. At one point our boss instructed someone to find a spot put them, somewhere where we were probably never going to see those scrumptious things again. After overhearing these instructions I raced to Laurel and told her the horrible news, we both ran to the kitchen and hid them as best as we could. Hours later we enjoyed those chocolate pyramids with a nice hot cup of coffee.
Laurel always surprised me, I remember multiple times thinking, "Wow I didn't know she was like that." My pre-conceived thoughts of her were almost always wrong. She, being an art major, was creative and enjoyed a good project. For our Christmas open house we did a Nintendo/Mario theme. She was in charge of pretty much all the decorations, she worked so hard at getting that place picture perfect, and that's what she did with everything, putting her whole heart and soul into it.
Pretty much when a person you care about dies you gain a whole new perspective on things. Sometimes you realize "Man, I'm lazy, time to get off my butt and do something significant." or "Why didn't I talk to her more?" The list does go on. Laurel's death made me realize that I wanted everyone I came in contact with to know they were significant, not only to me but to the Lord. Whether they have hurt me, made me feel insignificant, or I have hurt them, I want them to know I long for the exact opposite. Life is not worth holding grudges, the gossip spoken will eventually be regretted.
I have come to understand that in life we love those that love us in return, but I have also come to realize that's not what Jesus modeled. It maters greatly to me what others think of me. But one thing I have decided is that it's not worth my time, nor is it worth withdrawing my love. I do wish that I didn't have to struggle with differences, I wish I could rejoice in them and appreciate them rather than push someone away.
Something I have committed to doing is writing down what I appreciate about every single person in my life, that way I can truly meditate on those things and not what makes me angry about them or towards them. There are more negative things in this world than there are positive, and it's time for me to see the positive, the beauty in everyone and everything. Whether their choices in life have been good or bad, God has not given up on them, I hope I won't either, I wouldn't want them, and most of all God, to give up on me.
"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's righ-you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me." - Psalms 119:1-8
posted by Estie Marie Barnes at 11:34 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home