Grace = Favor

Recently I have been struggling in my faith. Not necessarily struggling in whether I believe in Christ or not, though I have struggled with that, but more in the way that Paul states it in Philippians 2:12b "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling." Fear and tremblinig describes me well. I am quite the worrier, sometimes so much so I make others worried about me:) But an issue I have been "trembling" about is am I truly saved? It scares me that the possability of hell could be waiting for me, or that I could lose my salvation. I recently was talking to someone about these concerns and we reached the topic of Grace, and how Grace is the essence of our salvation.

I decided the best thing for me to do was do a study on Grace. So I borrowed my friend's 20 pound concordance and turned the the G section where Grace waited my eager attention. It was 1:30am and I had to wake up in six hours for church so I decided to only look up verses concerning Grace in Genesis. The first reference was Genesis 6:8, "But Noah found grace in the eyes of...." So I opened my Bible to Genesis 6:8 and read, "But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord." I continued looking at each reference of grace, and wherever the concordance said grace my Bible said favor. "I think I'm on to something," I thought to myself:) Grace somehow had been translated into favor, they share meaning.

Favor defined by Webster is "gracious kindness," or "oblige; endow; to treat gently or carefully; spare. To give support to: sustain, to offer chances for success." If Grace is the essence of our salvation this means Christ is saying, "you have found favor in my sight. I spare you from condemnation and will support and sustain you, and give you a chance for success (salvation)." WOW!! Is it even possible to absorb that in a moments time? All I have been able to think the past day is "Thank you God!"

"Thank you God that though I sin you still love me. Though I fall you favor me. Even though I'm weak and afraid your Grace is enough. Thank you God!"

How do I deal with doubt? hmmm.. good question. It's hard to really say how I deal with doubt until I'm actually in it. But I think there is an ideal way I would prefer to deal with doubt. My favorite character of the Bible has got to be Joseph. I absolutely love the man and his heart. He exemplified trust, faith, loyalty, and unconditional love. In his bloodline you see a lot of screwed up people. His maliscious brothers, Jacob stealing birthrights and sleeping with his wives maidservants, Abraham lied about his wife Sarah calling her his sister, humiliating her by having her sleep with Abimelech. There was such a huge lack of character. But when we come to Joseph not only was he faithful to the Lord and loyal to his persecuters, but also knew only one woman! (as far as the Bible tells us) How can such a person suffer from the beatings of a band of brothers, be thrown into a prison, forgotten in prison, and still his trust in the Lord was as solid as a rock! More than one door was open for him to give in to doubt. His situation didn't look good, he could have grown bitter towards the baker who forgot about him after being released, causing him 2 more years in prison! Then when he is reunited with his brothers, though he messes with their minds by leading them to feel guilty about the money in the bags, he receives them with outstretched arms. He doesn't let them suffer as he had suffered, nor pay such penalties as he had paid. His story truly is a cinderella story. What would I give to have character like this man Joseph. Who in the very pit of all pits on earth he trusted the Lord. Not only was he unloved by his brothers, but also it seems that anyone who knew him eventually turned on him, or was unfaithful to him. Of all men who have lived on this earth I would give this one permission to give into doubt, but I am soo sosososososo glad he didn't! Because what would I have to support my faith in such a way if not for the story of Joseph? I am blessed because of his life's curses, and he was blessed because of his unfailing love and loyalty to the Lord. What was meant for evil in this mans life was truly used for good! I pray for Joseph like faith when I feel the invitation of doubt on my heart. I pray for patience and trust in the Lord when I want that microwaveable faith! What we on earth want is "instant" faith and we don't let our character grow as a product of our faith. We can't settle for no luine cuisine! Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what is unseen! And that is the faith I crave. To be certain Christ died for me and hopeing continually for God's plans in my life! AMEN!!

Throughout our daily lives we make decisions consistently. I think a large percentage of the decisions we make are subconsciously made. For instance our thoughts. Most often they are just thoughts that pop into our minds and we just go with them. I have learned my tendency to be negative in my thoughts. Beating myself up about stuff, or thoughts that damage my self esteem. The way I cope with these negative feelings come in many forms. I'd rather not list them all, but a big one of them is shopping. If I start feeling bad about myself it's always fun to go buy something to make me feel good about myself.

People in general have negative thoughts, maybe not a large amount, but possibly a repetative thought. We tend to look for ways to cope, turning to the world to handle how we have damaged ourselves. When the things we have used for coping fail or just don't work anymore, we go even deeper into the world. Most times the way we cope does not even look that bad, but the fact is a habit is established and our copeing could look a lot different in the future.

I think an initial step in copeing in a godly way is acknowledging and being aware of your current ways of copeing. And the second is to make a plan for your next way of copeing. It might look different depending on how your situation presents itself, but as long as you are aware and anticipate the situation it is wise to be ready in order to not fall into your "comfortable" habits of copeing.

Easier said than done is my general conclusion, but why not throw it out there?

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is
-his good, pleasing and perfect will."
- Romans 12:2

Blessings Blessings Blessings!

Estie Marie

A good friend of mine along with three other Taylor University students and Taylor employee was killed in a horrific car accident this past week. For the past semester I have been nannying for a family with five kids in Colorado Springs. When I found out about Laurel I had two days to pack up all my belongings, say good-bye to the family I nannyed for, say good-bye to friends, renew my drivers liscense, and find a ticket to Indianapolis. The Lord took care of every single detail, He's faithful.

During these two days I had friends call me crying, I could hear wailing in the background; it was agony. All I wanted was to be there. Saturday I flew in, Taylor Campus was silent; some of it's life was taken away by a sleeping truck driver. What is there to say to comfort others? "I'm so sorry," "how are you?" I was stuck, the girls on my wing had shared Laurel's last days, I could only wish I had been there too. As we drove to Chicago for the funeral we reminisced with one another of fond memories of Laurel and the funny things she had done.

I remember catering with her, we were motivated by the good leftovers we'd eat after we were finished catering. Catering food was so much better than the DC food. One time there was this new desert none of us had ever had. It was this chocolate pyramid that looked absolutely deliscious. We counted as we finished placing them on the tables, there were three leftover, now to only keep them hidden so nobody could eat them before us was a huge priority of ours. At one point our boss instructed someone to find a spot put them, somewhere where we were probably never going to see those scrumptious things again. After overhearing these instructions I raced to Laurel and told her the horrible news, we both ran to the kitchen and hid them as best as we could. Hours later we enjoyed those chocolate pyramids with a nice hot cup of coffee.

Laurel always surprised me, I remember multiple times thinking, "Wow I didn't know she was like that." My pre-conceived thoughts of her were almost always wrong. She, being an art major, was creative and enjoyed a good project. For our Christmas open house we did a Nintendo/Mario theme. She was in charge of pretty much all the decorations, she worked so hard at getting that place picture perfect, and that's what she did with everything, putting her whole heart and soul into it.

Pretty much when a person you care about dies you gain a whole new perspective on things. Sometimes you realize "Man, I'm lazy, time to get off my butt and do something significant." or "Why didn't I talk to her more?" The list does go on. Laurel's death made me realize that I wanted everyone I came in contact with to know they were significant, not only to me but to the Lord. Whether they have hurt me, made me feel insignificant, or I have hurt them, I want them to know I long for the exact opposite. Life is not worth holding grudges, the gossip spoken will eventually be regretted.

I have come to understand that in life we love those that love us in return, but I have also come to realize that's not what Jesus modeled. It maters greatly to me what others think of me. But one thing I have decided is that it's not worth my time, nor is it worth withdrawing my love. I do wish that I didn't have to struggle with differences, I wish I could rejoice in them and appreciate them rather than push someone away.

Something I have committed to doing is writing down what I appreciate about every single person in my life, that way I can truly meditate on those things and not what makes me angry about them or towards them. There are more negative things in this world than there are positive, and it's time for me to see the positive, the beauty in everyone and everything. Whether their choices in life have been good or bad, God has not given up on them, I hope I won't either, I wouldn't want them, and most of all God, to give up on me.

"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's righ-you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me." - Psalms 119:1-8

Starting blogging

Thanksgiving. Food and people everywhere.

I'm in my sweats with a bowl of cereal I just finished. Next to my dad.

Why should anyone read this? Maybe because what I experience has something to do with what they experience. My thoughts reflect something of their reality, and in the process, can illuminate their path.

Or maybe just because they're bored.

Life questions: Does prayer attract God's involvement?

Why did God harden Pharoah's heart? Can he influence emotions?.......predestination.